Looking Back

It's been way too long since I've posted on this blog. I didn't intend to stop with the previous one but somehow I never found time to post more until now. I'm forcing myself to write this, if only because I want some visual closure on my blog that signifies the end of my trip. I love looking back and thinking about all the different experiences I had in Spain, but it's so hard to think about summing it all up in words. I've had over a month to think about it and I still don't know where to begin! It still blows my mind that all of this even happened.

I looked back at my Spain journal to try and figure out where to begin with this post. Honestly, I don't know if I could write any better about what it feels like coming home than I did in my journal. I still feel the same way as I did then about everything I experienced. Here's a bit of what I wrote:

"I've been home now for a few days and none of this seems real. That I was just in Spain for 4 months, that I've been away from Columbus for that amount of time, that I've changed so much while I've been gone and that life here has continued on as usual without me. Right now it's only a little bit hard. Reality has not yet sunk in, I think. I think back on my trip and I still can't believe all that just happened, how many places I got to see, things I got to do, people I got to meet. I feel this deep satisfaction about my time there...But I also feel this deep sadness now. There is a pain in my heart that knows that now that time is over and I must continue on with my "normal" life here in Columbus, not knowing how or when or for how long I will ever be able to go back to Spain..."

I still think back on Spain and I miss so much about it. My family was amazing and I grew so close to our little twin sisters and had so much good conversation with our host mom. And there's just so much to see in other parts of the world.

But not everything about the trip was good. I say it was the best time of my life but it was also the hardest. It's really hard to be out of community for that amount of time. I was with friends while I was there and there were plenty of other Americans I could (and did) hang out with if I ever needed a break from Spanish and some time to just relax. I even found a great Evangelical church close to my house where I met a lot of awesome Spaniards and Americans alike. I was lucky to be able to go there and be spiritually refreshed in a place that's so spiritually dry! Even with all of these different sources of support and encouragement around me it was a huge struggle. Obviously, there was a continuous language barrier. Although my Spanish has greatly improved I'm still not fluent and no matter how much time I spent with my family there were still communication gaps. I also wasn't around all my close friends all the time who know me and are a part of my daily life. It was hard knowing that my friends were continuing to live their lives and I was missing out on part of it, while at the same time I was living a completely different life in another country that no one who wasn't there would really understand. Also, like I said before, Spain is really spiritually dry. Religion is thought of a lot differently there, and in general, people don't like it. It's seen as a source of manipulation for the purpose of gaining power rather than a loving relationship with the living God. So, even though I know God and I know what He's really like, it's hard to live every day being reminded of the absurdity of faith and all the objections people have against God and Christianity in general.

The challenges were good, though, and because of them I grew in a way I never could have before. I grew in my relationship with God because I dared to face all the objections and doubts that came my way instead of ignoring them. I grew in my own knowledge and awareness of people, other cultures, and my own culture. I learned a lot more Spanish as well! Most of all I learned a lot about myself--things that I like and don't like. It was all a very revealing time.

Anyway, I'm glad to be back in Ohio and I'm finally feeling adjusted to "normal" life again! It's true when they say that it's harder to come back home than it is to leave. But now I'm so glad to be back and I don't plan on leaving for an extended period of time again soon!

I have some more general thoughts on traveling, and another excerpt from my journal that I like and want to share as well:

"...On the last day of my POE class my professor gave each of us copies of the poem 'Ithaca' in English and in Spanish, which he and another student read aloud in class. Reading it now I couldn't help but cry, remembering the journey I've gone on and knowing that there are many more journeys to come. I know that whatever journey I embark on in life I want to enjoy it to the fullest, to soak in everything, to learn all I can. One can't help but learn from traveling. Through it one develops a grater love of life and all it offers. I hope that this thirst to experience more and to learn more is always growing within me. I hope that every journey I make is satisfying, but that it also leaves me wanting more."

Here is a copy of the poem that we read in class that day:

When you start on your journey to Ithaca,
then pray that the road is long,
full of adventure, full of knowledge.
Do not fear the Lestrygonians
and the Cyclopes and the angry Poseidon.
You will never meet such as these on your path,
if your thoughts remain lofty, if a fine
emotion touches your body and your spirit.
You will never meet the Lestrygonians,
the Cyclopes and the fierce Poseidon,
if you do not carry them within your soul,
if your soul does not raise them up before you.

Then pray that the road is long.
That the summer mornings are many,
that you will enter ports seen for the first time
with such pleasure, with such joy!
Stop at Phoenician markets,
and purchase fine merchandise,
mother-of-pearl and corals, amber and ebony,
and pleasurable perfumes of all kinds,
buy as many pleasurable perfumes as you can;
visit hosts of Egyptian cities,
to learn and learn from those who have knowledge.

Always keep Ithaca fixed in your mind.
To arrive there is your ultimate goal.
But do not hurry the voyage at all.
It is better to let it last for long years;
and even to anchor at the isle when you are old,
rich with all that you have gained on the way,
not expecting that Ithaca will offer you riches.
Ithaca has given you the beautiful voyage.
Without her you would never have taken the road.
But she has nothing more to give you.

And if you find her poor, Ithaca has not defrauded you.
With the great wisdom you have gained, with so much experience,
you must surely have understood by then what Ithacas mean.

I love this poem because it has meaning to me now that it never did before. I know the value of traveling as a form of gaining new knowledge, insight and wisdom. But I read this poem with more than just a specific traveling experience in mind. I read it and reflect on all of life as a journey. A journey that is full of pleasure and without fear. I love that this poem reminds me of the importance of enjoying the life I'm living. Also, that it reminds me that I need not fear what's ahead because I will only encounter the Cyclopes and Lestrygonians if I allow myself to raise them up before me. How true this is! I will always have troubles in life, but my problems will always only be as big as I make them. Life is an exciting journey and it has so much to offer if we will only take advantage of it.

Now I continue on with life in Columbus, on the next stage of my journey that never ends!

¡Adiós España! Te quiero.